Saturday, February 12, 2011

Strange Conversations Vol. 1: Taxi driver - Burj Khalifa to Bur Dubai

“Where you go Miss?”
“The bus station in Bur Dubai, please.”
“You mean Diera, right?”
“No, the one in Bur Dubai, near the gold souk and Carrefour. The one that goes to Abu Dhabi.”
“Okay, okay, I know…. Shit! Road closed this way, you see?”
“We take another way? Okay?”
“Ummmm. Do I have a choice? Okay, fine -  but don’t go the long way!”
“Noooo! I take short way. Wait a sec, this guy wanna ask me question….”


“Okay we go now. That guy from Saudi.”
“Saudi Arabia?”
“Yup. No say “thank you”, “shukran”, “domo arigato”… nothing!
“You from Saudi?”
“Me? No!"
"Miss where you from, I can ask this?"
"I’m from Canada.”
“Canada? You know, Canada and Germany people same.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“I know. I been taxi driver long time. You same.”


“You work Abu Dhabi Miss?”
“You have family there?”
“No, no family…. May I ask where you are from?”
“Pakistan, lady.”
“Lahore or Peshawar?”
“How you know Lahore, lady?”
“I have a friend from Lahore.”
“Lady friend?”
“I am from Lahore. You have husband?”
“No children? Why you not have children?”
“God didn’t give me any.”
“I see. It’s okay, not your fault. Sometimes children too noisy, Mommy! Mommy!
Lady, You see this tunnel? No one in Dubai know this tunnel. Look! Empty! They all do too many U-turn upstairs. But I know this tunnel. Everyday I’m driving!”


“Lady, may I say something? Don’t be mad ok? You have baby face. Your husband really so lucky!”
“Ha! Thank you. I’ve told him that many times but he never believes me!”
“Haha! Really lady, you so cute! You make cute children! I think your husband battery finish! He need Viagra, recharge battery.”
“Really, I call husband, tell him “Wife say battery finish!”
“Ha! I’ll tell him you said it, not me!”
“I kidding! Kidding! I never say. I say and big fight coming! Yes?”
“Husband say, “Why you tell people my battery finish!” Funny, yes?”
“Yea. Funny. Do you have children?”
“Yes, three! One boy is do computers. One girl teacher and other girl medical.”
“Your daughter is a teacher? Like me!”
“You teacher Miss?”
“You good teacher?”
“I do my best.”
“I ask you one question, you get right, this taxi ride free, ok?”
“Between 1 and 100, how many times we see number 9?”
“Number 9? Lets see.. 9, 19, 29…. About… 20 times?”
“… Ok I say another one, really this time you get right - you no pay.”
“Wait!  Was I right?”
“Okay, you want book. Book is 50 dirham. You have 25 dirham, friend have 25 dirham you buy book for sharing, you understand?”
“I book seller, I give you discount, but I cheat you just a little bit. I give you book for 45. So with 5 dirham I give you one dirham, friend one dirham and I put 3 dirham my pocket. You understand?”
“Ok, now you and friend have one dirham, means you pay only 24 for book. 24 and 24 is what?”
“Yes! And 3 dirham in my pocket! How possible?”
“Are you telling me I need to watch carefully when I pay you?”
“I NEVER cheat you lady! You have baby face! But you say you teacher, huh? Come on, what’s answer?”
“I’m an English teacher, not a math teacher!”
“Ha! Look, bus station coming on right, Carrefour on left.”
“Excellent, thank you. Here you are, keep the change.”
“No lady thank you! But I wanna tell you something important okay? Abu Dhabi bus straight over there, run quickly! Don’t miss! And don’t talk to the crazy people around here, Okay? They really crazy!”
“Okay, okay thanks again, have a good night!”